Godly Friendships - My Experience!

by - Saturday, May 06, 2017

Hey Beauties. I hope your May has started off well so far. I felt led to share so I pray this encourages you positively, to know that you are not alone or to help you find ways to help others!

So I recently joined the connections team in my Church. This team's aim is to look out for people that are new to Church or have been there for a while but have not been able to connect with people. We take their numbers and have a list of people that we can connect them to depending on what they are interested in at Church. This can range from interest groups, connect groups or joining a specific team at Church. Along the way, we check in on them and make sure that they are followed up with, by the person we connected to. Oh! and a really cool thing that we do is arrive early for Church and save a number of seats, inviting those that we have connected with to sit with our team so that they feel even more part of the community called Church! Its a great way to make friends but I do not have high expectations of that as my main concern is to get them connected to make them feel at home.

I enjoy being part of the team as serving keeps me grounded and in addition, I know how it feels to be alone and am passionate about using my God given gifts to prevent this. Before I get into this post, I want to share the importance about making a difference for God's glory where ever you find yourselves. There is no point of complaining about what a Church or workplace does not do, if you are not willing to make a difference yourself. Starting the change from within is a real thing!

I believe my story is unique because everyone's is! and I did not always surround myself with the best people for me. I was raised with Biblical morale, taught the importance of Church and Jesus at a young age. I have always known that there is a God but have backslidden in my relationship with God in my past, not fully understanding what it means to have a relationship with God and trying to negotiate sin and live lukewarm, which God does not like!

Revelation 3:16 - So, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

With that being said, a friendship is only as strong as what it is built upon. I spent years cultivating friendships with people on the foundation of drinking and partying, fornication etc. So when I rededicated my life to Christ in 2013, almost 4 years ago, I dropped a lot of people and decided that I will give it my best shot and stop living lukewarm. This meant that I had to start from scratch with building friendships. Mind you, I have a few friends in my life that have remained consistent. About three people, two of which are males.

I started off this journey with starting a Pinky Promise group. It was from there that I connected with Pinky Promise London and South London and started meeting likeminded individuals that were chasing after God's heart. I was looking for Godly friendships along the way. I noticed early on that just because people believe in Jesus, does not mean that they will all love you or does not mean that there will not be any conflict. I've seen it all from the "cliquey" behaviours (meaning people sticking to who they know) to the gossipy and bitter Christian women. I am in no way saying that I have it all made, just simply sharing my experience. 

I went through a lot with Pinky Promise. It was difficult when I tried alongside the other leaders to motivate the group to be more social by coming together and organising days out. Hardly anyone turned up most times and this can be very discouraging, when you know with your heart that you are trying. We also connected people together as prayer/accountability partners. I often found with my ones that if I did not initiate prayer, the other would not. I was baffled as I thought that we were on the same page here? but I continued for as long as I could, until I realised that this was actually discouraging me and I needed to walk away.

Walking away was not easy, as I had a vision for being part of Pinky Promise; instead of complaining about how women can be so "catty" or whatever, I was actually trying to make a difference. But God wanted me to join another team and therefore did not need my permission. In all what I thought was mess, God used me to touch other women's lives and other women to touch mine. I still stay in contact with some women from Pinky Promise to this day. What I noticed though, is that it takes a while to build solid friendships in Christ. I may refer to some of these people as friends while in conversation, but realise that it will take some time before we are truly friends. I believe that one has to go through things that test a friendship in order to truly call someone a friend. People will show you what you mean to them via their actions, so look out for that.

I often find myself attending events alone or planning to go on a holiday by myself. Remember I told you, that most of my friends are males and although we do not have any sexual past with one another, it is not appropriate going away with only males! That is just mine and my friend's convictions. I know that Jesus will always be ever present although I am alone and because I know who I am, I am not afraid of spending time with myself. However, it does get lonely sometimes. We were created as social beings and part of being a Christian is having community with others, taking on others burdens and etc. Often times, I do not see the sisterhood that Church communities claim to have. Yes we are trying but, some people still are in a crowded room and still feel alone! 

I am a firm believer in not forcing situations or friendships, if I notice that something does not come naturally then I prefer to take a step back, pray and leave it alone. Another thing to remember in all of this is that we should come with a heart to serve. I believe that trumps everything. Give to others without expecting anything back. I have been in situations where I sacrificed when I saw a sister in need. And when I asked for something from her, she stopped talking to me. In situations like that, I have to remind myself that God used me for that period to empower and support her, so I have gained rather than lost.

A few things to remember:

  • Let Jesus be your example - He had 12 disciples and many around Him that wanted to use him for when his healing powers seemed glamourous. When he was suffering and dying on the cross, many betrayed him and acted like they did not know Him. How much more us?

Isaiah 29:13 - And the Lord said: “Because this people draw near with their mouth and honour me with their lips, while their hearts are far from me, and their fear of me is a commandment taught by me
  • Actively forgive and pray for those that hurt you - No one is worth you going to hell for.
  • Be the change you want to see. If you think your Church could be more warm or welcoming to those that are new, start a connections team! for the Glory of God!
  • Be happy with your own company! Sometimes my colleagues (for e.g.) do not want to go to Nandos for lunch, as they may not have Nandos money that day! please believe I go alone and enjoy myself. I can read a book or pull out scriptures in my phone and encourage myself!
  • Know your gifts and use them to serve others. I know I am gifted to encourage and inspire others around me and like to find opportunities to do this, hence this blog post!
  • Be humble about it and ask God to show you yourself. Sometimes the problem is us and we need to work on things to make us appealing to make long lasting friendships! (I personally am the type to call something what it is, not worried about whether I will be popular or lose a friend. If something is wrong, I am bold about it and I do not want to change that part of me - salt + light!! However, I know that sometimes, my delivery of this truth can do with some work). 
  • Be realistic - there are so many people in this world and not everyone you meet will like you. That is just the reality of life. 
  • Do not isolate yourself because of fear of being hurt. The Bible says that two are better than one, not every one is out to get you [Ecclesiastes 4:9-12].
  • Lets do better as women, flipping the world's idea of us being envious, gossiping and bitter, to being people that seek any opportunity to uplift one another. 

I really hope that this encouraged you. I did a video about bad company corrupting good character, which is the flip side of this so please see below and I pray that encourages you.

1 John 4:4 - You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

A final word of encouragement, know whose you are so that you can know what to tolerate. Beautiful Queen! remember that you may be alone but you will never actually be alone when God is always with you. If you do feel lonely, use that time to stay in the word and get closer to God. Be blessed in Jesus name!

If you have any topics you want me to write about please let me know any prayer requests let me know also! (Rosez_9@hotmail.com).

PS: I have started raising funds for my business as a Social Media manager. I set up a Go Fund Me account in order to facilitate this. Please see below video and link for more info. Please give as God leads. 

Rosemary x

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  1. I prayed for God to give me godly friends and he did! I am so grateful :D