Bullying In Secondary School - My Experience

by - Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Hey Beauties, something a little different today. I don’t know if you watch Eastenders or know what it is, if you don’t it’s a British Soap. Google it if you will.

I want this post to encourage you, as I want all my posts to. But today, more so in the direction that God can really change your life around when you put your hope in Him. It does not even matter about your past as He will make you a new woman. Looking back, I give God all the glory. When people try and remind me of who I used to be, it does not even hurt anymore because if God has forgotten about it and renewed me, who are they to try and make me feel small?

Looking back, I feel like being a teenager was the most difficult stage in my life thus far! I describe my experience as being confused. At that stage, our bodies are changing and although I was aware, I did not fully understand. I was raised to know God and taken to Church. This I am thankful for, as though I was living wrong I have always known that God is real. I will describe that I had faith as small as a mustard seed at the time.

[Matthew 17:20] He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move here to there’, and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

So the storyline in Eastenders to summarise is that a girl (Rebecca) is being bullied because she had sex with two boys, one at secondary school she is going to an one in the local area. She used to be close friends with Lucy, but Lucy has become two faced and joined forced with the bullies. Basically, Lucy is a fake friend and often used as their tool. For example, Lucy had access to Rebecca’s phone and circulated naked photos of her for the school to see and circulate.

My experience was that most of us girls at school were sexually active at a young age, but I was victimised and picked on because I did not “look like the type”. I had a good group of what I would describe as, well raised Christian friends until I got to year 9 (If I remember clearly). The school mixed up and we got to meet other girls from the other side (hard to explain but I hope you are following).

I became friends with a girl who everyone warned me not to be friends with. They told me that she is a fake friend, trouble and I just do not want to go there. I felt bad for her and wondered why, I did not know that she would make my life a misery at the time.

One day I walked into school and my group of good friends stopped talking to me. All of a sudden I had NO FRIENDS!! I could not recall what I had done wrong?! No explanation, just silence, ignored and dropped. Later to find out that the girl that I had become friends with had told them that I said the things about them that she said. I won’t act lie, I laughed and agreed with some of what she said, but did not initiate the conversation. My parents, especially my Mum warned me over and over again that, “That girl is jealous of you”. But I thought, jealous? What is there to be jealous of? I am always broke, constantly shoplifting and confused. But looking back, I see clearly now.

Sometimes, for whatever reason, people are jealous of you because of their own insecurity. Nothing to do with you, just their own thing. I meet people like that in my daily life now and pretty much discern when they have something against me, when I know I have not done anything wrong (intentionally) and my conscience is clean. I pray for them so that God can change their hearts, He is the only one that can. I always stand by this – people will treat you how you allow, so allow the Holy Spirit to guide you. I tend to correct people in love when they overstep boundaries and think that they can bully my in the workplace. Queen/King, always speak up and stand up for yourself respectfully and forgive – do not hold grudges.

Anyway, going back to my testimony! This so called friend did similar things. When she turned everyone against me calling me a whore, laughing at my every misfortune and exaggerating the personal things I told her in confidence, she even gave my number out on MSN (remember that!!) and said that I am basically easy and will give myself sexually. She showed others sexually suggestive pictures (that I took) of me, but thankfully for me I was able to stop them from being circulated. The funny thing is that she was living that life too, sleeping around and encouraging me to do it more than I was doing. When the whole school turned against her one day, she took it out on me and drove to my area with her mother, blaming me?! hit me and humiliated me throwing my school things all over the road. Her mother witnessed and said nothing. Looking back I feel bad for them both, because that behaviour is not normal and comes from a horrible place.

Because I lost my friends, I had to now beg friends with other people. I remember what they said about me, that I was clingy and annoying. They made mention of, “Who is hanging out with Rosemary today?”, “Please hang out with her, she’s annoying me!”. These were very hurtful things that could have broken me as a person if I did not have my Jesus. Now, that has definitely made me sensitive to when people don’t want me in their life. I am quick to leave them alone or walk away, as what we go through shapes us for the future. It also made me enjoy my own company and make me more independent in my adult life.

I eventually was accepted into the “bad crowd” experimented with smoking, drinking and partying at such a young age – to fit in. When the enemy tries to bring you down, Jesus is waiting to love you back to life. I hated going to school and felt isolated, but I am glad that I was not suicidal. I was constantly getting in trouble, bunking, stealing etc, but I left school with some grades, hallelujah!!!!! I am thankful that my Mum did not walk away from me even though she was tempted to because I really gave her hell.

Us women can really treat each other badly because of our own insecurities. Did you know that bullies are the most unhappy people? Hurt people hurt people, get it? If we do not have joy and contentment, how do we spread the love? I am glad that I am a woman that likes to support and uplift others. I do not feel at a loss if I compliment or encourage a sista.

I eventually left secondary school and moved on to sixth form which was a better experience for me. For years I was still hurt about the way I was treated. I would reconnect with some of the girls that I was initially friends with, unable to forget about the past and eventually admitting that I cannot be friends with this person because they remind me of hurt.

I recently bumped into one of the girls that I went to school with, who used to put me down because of my lifestyle at school every time she saw me. She was happy to see me for some reason and said a joyful hello. I said a dry hello back. I just could not help it. This is our flesh! Sometimes we have not seen someone for years and years and forget them, then we see them and the only memory we have of them is negative, wondering - why are you even greeting me? You tried to break me down when I was at my most vulnerable.

I have said all this today, to say that forgiveness is key. Love will never lose its power and we have all hurt others in the past and present too. Were you bullied or find yourself hurting about your past? Take it to God. It may not be instant but you will see that His word and His long suffering and beautiful love will heal you. I have changed so much since my rebellious days. But God gets all the glory. Man, I am so thankful. I know I learnt so much from those dark times that I am using now and will continue to use in my future.

Genuine people and friendships exist. Not everyone is out to get you. I love my male friends and used to think that they are more relatable. I sometimes find this, but thank God for blessing me with genuine females in my life. Us women are so special and unique with similar experiences. It is so special when we can come together and celebrate each other as a family.

PS: Don't expect people to always love and embrace you. Of course, people will simply just not like you. Be ok with this and know who you are in Christ first. His opinion matters best. 

John 15:18 "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first" - Jesus 

God bless you Beautiful.

Rosemary x

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