Hey Beauties, something a
little different today. I don’t know if you watch Eastenders or know what it
is, if you don’t it’s a British Soap. Google it if you will.
I want this post to encourage
you, as I want all my posts to. But today, more so in the direction that God
can really change your life around when you put your hope in Him. It does not
even matter about your past as He will make you a new woman. Looking back, I
give God all the glory. When people try and remind me of who I used to be, it
does not even hurt anymore because if God has forgotten about it and renewed
me, who are they to try and make me feel small?
Looking back, I feel like
being a teenager was the most difficult stage in my life thus far! I describe
my experience as being confused. At that stage, our bodies are changing and although
I was aware, I did not fully understand. I was raised to know God and taken to
Church. This I am thankful for, as though I was living wrong I have always
known that God is real. I will describe that I had faith as small as a mustard
seed at the time.
[Matthew 17:20]
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have
faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move here to
there’, and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
So the storyline in
Eastenders to summarise is that a girl (Rebecca) is being bullied because she
had sex with two boys, one at secondary school she is going to an one in the local area. She used to be
close friends with Lucy, but Lucy has become two faced and joined forced with
the bullies. Basically, Lucy is a fake friend and often used as their tool. For
example, Lucy had access to Rebecca’s phone and circulated naked photos of her
for the school to see and circulate.
My experience was that most
of us girls at school were sexually active at a young age, but I was victimised
and picked on because I did not “look like the type”. I had a good group of
what I would describe as, well raised Christian friends until I got to year 9
(If I remember clearly). The school mixed up and we got to meet other girls
from the other side (hard to explain but I hope you are following).
I became friends with a girl
who everyone warned me not to be friends with. They told me that she is a fake
friend, trouble and I just do not want to go there. I felt bad for her and
wondered why, I did not know that she would make my life a misery at the time.
One day I walked into school
and my group of good friends stopped talking to me. All of a sudden I had NO
FRIENDS!! I could not recall what I had done wrong?! No explanation, just silence,
ignored and dropped. Later to find out that the girl that I had become friends
with had told them that I said the things about them that she said. I won’t act
lie, I laughed and agreed with some of what she said, but did not initiate the
conversation. My parents, especially my Mum warned me over and over again that,
“That girl is jealous of you”. But I thought, jealous? What is there to be jealous of? I am always broke,
constantly shoplifting and confused. But looking back, I see clearly now.
Sometimes, for whatever
reason, people are jealous of you because of their own insecurity. Nothing to do with you, just their own
thing. I meet people like that in my daily life now and pretty much discern
when they have something against me, when I know I have not done anything wrong
(intentionally) and my conscience is clean. I pray for them so that God can
change their hearts, He is the only one that can. I always stand by this –
people will treat you how you allow, so allow the Holy Spirit to guide you. I
tend to correct people in love when they overstep boundaries and think that
they can bully my in the workplace. Queen/King, always speak up and stand up
for yourself respectfully and forgive – do not hold grudges.
Anyway, going back to my
testimony! This so called friend did similar things. When she turned everyone
against me calling me a whore, laughing at my every misfortune and exaggerating
the personal things I told her in confidence, she even gave my number out on
MSN (remember that!!) and said that I am basically easy and will give myself
sexually. She showed others sexually suggestive pictures (that I took) of me,
but thankfully for me I was able to stop them from being circulated. The funny
thing is that she was living that life too, sleeping around and encouraging me
to do it more than I was doing. When the whole school turned against her one day, she took it out on me and drove to my area with her mother, blaming me?! hit me and humiliated me throwing my school things all over the road. Her mother witnessed and said nothing. Looking back I feel bad for them both, because that behaviour is not normal and comes from a horrible place.
Because I lost my friends, I
had to now beg friends with other people. I remember what they said about me,
that I was clingy and annoying. They made mention of, “Who is hanging out with
Rosemary today?”, “Please hang out with her, she’s annoying me!”. These were very
hurtful things that could have broken me as a person if I did not have my
Jesus. Now, that has definitely made me sensitive to when people don’t want me
in their life. I am quick to leave them alone or walk away, as what we go
through shapes us for the future. It also made me enjoy my own company and make
me more independent in my adult life.
I eventually was accepted
into the “bad crowd” experimented with smoking, drinking and partying at such a
young age – to fit in. When the enemy tries to bring you down, Jesus is waiting
to love you back to life. I hated going to school and felt isolated, but I am
glad that I was not suicidal. I was constantly getting in trouble, bunking,
stealing etc, but I left school with some grades, hallelujah!!!!! I am thankful
that my Mum did not walk away from me even though she was tempted to because I
really gave her hell.
Us women can really treat each
other badly because of our own insecurities. Did you know that bullies are the
most unhappy people? Hurt people hurt people, get it? If we do not have joy and
contentment, how do we spread the love? I am glad that I am a woman that likes
to support and uplift others. I do not feel at a loss if I compliment or
encourage a sista.
I eventually left secondary
school and moved on to sixth form which was a better experience for me. For
years I was still hurt about the way I was treated. I would reconnect with some
of the girls that I was initially friends with, unable to forget about the past
and eventually admitting that I cannot be friends with this person because they
remind me of hurt.
I recently bumped into one of
the girls that I went to school with, who used to put me down because of my
lifestyle at school every time she saw me. She was happy to see me for some reason and
said a joyful hello. I said a dry hello back. I just could not help it. This is
our flesh! Sometimes we have not seen someone for years and years and forget them,
then we see them and the only memory we have of them is negative, wondering - why
are you even greeting me? You tried to break me down when I was at my most
vulnerable.
I have said all this today,
to say that forgiveness is key. Love will never lose its power and we have all
hurt others in the past and present too. Were you bullied or find yourself
hurting about your past? Take it to God. It may not be instant but you will see
that His word and His long suffering and beautiful love will heal you. I have
changed so much since my rebellious days. But God gets all the glory. Man, I am
so thankful. I know I learnt so much from those dark times that I am using now
and will continue to use in my future.
Genuine people and
friendships exist. Not everyone is out to get you. I love my male friends and
used to think that they are more relatable. I sometimes find this, but thank
God for blessing me with genuine females in my life. Us women are so special
and unique with similar experiences. It is so special when we can come together
and celebrate each other as a family.
PS: Don't expect people to always love and embrace you. Of course, people will simply just not like you. Be ok with this and know who you are in Christ first. His opinion matters best.
John 15:18 "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first" - Jesus
PS: Don't expect people to always love and embrace you. Of course, people will simply just not like you. Be ok with this and know who you are in Christ first. His opinion matters best.
John 15:18 "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first" - Jesus
God bless you Beautiful.
Rosemary x
