Two Years Single & Celibate

by - Monday, August 10, 2015

Jesus I cannot thank you enough, the way you have lifted me up from such a situation that I thought was so bad has been a blessing to me. I cannot begin to put into words how much you have changed my life and have given me a better heart since I completely gave my life to you. Lord, I owe it all to you. For as long as I live, I will always put you first. No more fornication or lukewarm worship, I dedicate my life to you with no regrets, I will serve you like there is no tomorrow. When I make mistakes and trip, I know you will be there waiting with your loving hand to pick me back up. I love you more than life itself.

Psalm 63:3 Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.

So lets rewind for a moment, to the young woman/girl that had daddy issues that she didn’t want to admit to because she was taught to lie about them and the individual that was seeking love in all the wrong places. Something just needed to hear the “I love yous”, “You’re beautiful” and “I will marry you but..” all the lies and excuses. The truth is that you have to seek Him first [Matthew 6:33] before thinking about your emotional and selfish wants. It is all meaningless when you know that he is NOT God’s best for you.

I have realised that this issue is SO common with women and men. We all want to be loved and cared about, but coming from someone that used to be in the world, we go about it the wrong way. God created sex for marriage, any other interpretation of this is a lie from the devil.

I remember when I got into the last relationship I was in about 4 years ago. I began it by saying that I do not want to have sex at all and that I was saving it for marriage. So if he was not interested, I will assume that he does not want to be with me. We were 4 months in, having not had sex and he was working on my mind. I allowed myself to be manipulated into something that I did not want to do. He started by saying, “Well we do not have to go the whole way”. A kiss here, a touch there and you know the rest. This is not to paint any of my exes in a bad way because I had a choice. I allowed myself to make the wrong choice. The devil will always be there to tempt, but Jesus said that, No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it [1 Corinthians 10:13].

My point is, that we have to do what is right before God. I don’t know about you, but I became tired of living a lie. Lying to myself and allowing the devil to make me feel inadequate was something that was and is not worth it. After sexuality in a relationship, I believe that things start to go left. Once we walk away from God’s will, we expose ourselves from all kinds of things that the devil has in store. Unwanted pregnancies (not saying that children are not a blessing, but God's way is better), disease, heartbreak, soul ties, stress. Is it really worth it?

God kept telling me to leave the relationship. I did not listen. I liked the idea of this fake love and wanted to pray my way out of the dark hole of lies and just hopefully as if by chance, maybe God will give me the marriage that I wanted. Until one day 11th August 2013, he suddenly broke up with me. I could not believe it. I cried and begged but God created a situation that we would never get back together. Jesus wanted me back and that was all. Deep down in my mind, I felt that it was good because at least I could do the right thing that I was somehow scared of doing. But the emotions were there. I had to deal with the truth that I had not been real with my Lord or myself. I had to make it right…

Believe me it was not easy. I had many down days of tears and feeling like crap. One thing I will say is that, Jesus is a healer. There is no situation that He cannot fix and no broken heart that He cannot heal. In this time being single, God stripped everything away that was bad and still continues to mould me into the woman that He wants me to be. I almost cannot believe it, that I am so unbothered about being single and I am very intentional in my walk with Jesus. Sometimes it brings me to tears how undeserving of His grace I am. But we continue to thank God; I know I am nothing without Him.

[Romans 12:2] Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.

So since the age of 23-25 I have remained single. I have learnt:

·      If you are not at peace with it, don’t do it.
·      Flee from sexual immorality is tattooed on my heart.
·      I am beginning to learn the true meaning of marriage and the truth is that it is all about serving, not about how much sex we can have.
·      Its not about emotions because they come and go. Jesus stays.
·      If God told me that He did not want me to get married in the next 5 years, or even never, would I stop serving Him? God forbid. St Paul said it best:

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want [Philippians 4:12].

I am not pretending that I do not desire marriage, please don’t get me wrong. What I am saying though, is that I am no longer a slave to chasing the wrong man and pretty much begging to be liked enough for him to ‘put a ring on it’. I put all that energy into serving God. So His true Disciple, His best will have to love Jesus so much that he finds me in His arms. There is no other way. A lifetime commitment is no joke. So before you make the same mistake that I did, thinking that it could somehow be worth it, think about the consequences. We all have our cross to carry and this was mine. But let us not crucify Jesus all over again by lacking in faith. Know that He knows your heart desire and He will grant it. Trust Him!!

My life has changed for the better. No more worrying about why we are arguing when I mention marriage or wondering whether he is cheating. I have peace of mind in the Lord and that is how it should be. Never will I waste my precious time on a man that does not live for purity. Jesus is the author of love and that guy you are with will never truly love you if he does not know Jesus’s love.

Considering all this, God has shown me time without fail that if I did end up marrying this man that I was shedding tears over, I would have had to deal with not only his, but his family’s mental health issues, I would have had to force him to pray with me because his heart was not really in it and stress about his lifestyle because he was not saved etc. The worst thing about it is that he came into the relationship with his past soul ties, as did I. Long story short, we should have never made it past "Hello". Do you think that this is what God wants for us? I am not saying that I will never fall on hard times and maybe experience mental health myself. I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone nor will I claim it on myself. But I am making the point that I am not immune to life’s problems because I am a Christian.

I will leave you with a paragraph from Heather Lindsey’s book “Runaway Bride” that has now become my reality:

How many sermons do you need to hear, blogs and books do you need to read to know that when it’s God’s timing He is going to bust open a door that no man can close! There are seasons for everything and it’s just not your season yet! At some point, we must go from understanding the milk of that word to the meat of the word that says, “God, I am content in You and I trust You. Even if it means that if I don’t meet my one-day husband for the next ten years, I know that this life isn’t a sum title of a diamond ring on my left hand’s ring finger”.

Here’s to staying true to God and putting Him first, trusting Him and not our own works and knowing that when it is time no one can stop it!

Trust Him, Trust Him, Trust Him!

Be blessed in Jesus name,

Rosemary x

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  1. Amazing post Rosemary! Praise God!! x

    1. Amen sis, we thank God all the way. God bless you x

  2. Can so relate! Great post x

    1. Amen sis, we thank God that He has the power to turn our tears into joy. God bless and thanks x