Struggling with Backsliding and Not Feeling Good Enough

by - Wednesday, June 10, 2015

So you have been on fire for Christ and suddenly something awful happens. You cannot begin to understand “Why God would do this to you”. You feel like things had been going well but have not taken a left turn. What do you do when you feel that your faith is slowly fading? This topic has been so heavy on my heart lately. Like, what is your price? What would it take to have you turn your back on Jesus? I hear this so much “If He did exist, then why this and why that?”. So many questions and not enough time spent at His feet seeking him.

The way I see it, the devil is the king of darkness and lies. The devil is like a roaring lion, seeking whom he can devour [1 Peter 5:8]. The devil will try and make you feel like you are not good enough. The attacks that we Christians face are so real, this following Christ thing is not a joke and not to be taken lightly.

Deciding to follow Jesus should be taken as a lifetime commitment. Through the good and bad, know that he is our Lord and Saviour that knows what He is doing at all times. Please my brothers and sisters, do not be deceived, do not let the devil cheat you out of eternal life because he knows his time is running out and he wants to drag you along with him to hell. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us [Romans 8:18].

I remember times when I backslid, believe me it was not worth it. I became this lukewarm Christian that fornicated and intoxicated myself but would be at Church the next day like it was the thing to do. The devil is going to get shamed here because we are about to go deep. The happiness I gained from that was based on feelings, how people treated me and what they thought/said about me. Happiness is based on feelings but joy is based on what we know.

That happiness is not real and it sure does not last long. It is funny because deep down I lived in fear, the conviction was so strong and I knew that if I died at that point I would not make it to have eternal life because I was intentionally sinning. I was trying to seek God but did not want to let go of my little boyfriend and sinful ways. I knew the right thing to do but did not want to do it because I did not feel like it or did not want to risk the chance of losing a so-called boyfriend if I did not do as he wanted. If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left [Hebrews 10:26].

One good thing I can say that I did was that I kept sticking Jesus in his face. I kept challenging him to go to Church, read the word and marry me if this so called love he had for me was real. So even though I fornicated and lived in conscious sin, I am glad that I was still fighting even at my baby Christian stage. When he could not take it from me he made excuses to distance himself away from me. As soon as he broke up with me I began my fight to get back closer to Jesus. I know how it feels to feel so dirty that you do not feel worth being saved but like I will always say, the devil is a liar.

To remain at a stage that you do not backslide you need to stay in His most Holy Word. This is more important than life itself – His word is life and gives us eternal life, so life on earth is so pointless without living in His word. I don’t want to be in a situation where I have come this far and allowed seven worse demons to get inside of me because I fell victim to the world. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation. [Matthew 12:45].

Secondly, surround yourself with like-minded Christians. I am not saying to ignore those around you that are unbelievers because if you think about it, how will they be saved if you do not allow yourself to be an example? So do not allow yourself to be derailed by individuals that may pose as believers and follow God’s word in accordance. But it really makes such a difference to do this, the encouragement is real. Just be careful that you are following your spiritual discernment when seeking Christian groups/friends/fellowship groups. Make sure that they are in line with God’s word.

I know that the thing to say now is that no one is perfect. While that is all good and well, it is also something that the devil tries to use, in order to make excuses for sin. Matthew 4:48 teaches us that we should be perfect like our heavenly Father is perfect. I interpret this as fighting to be what we are called to be and not allowing our mistakes along the way to make us feel like quitting. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses [1 Timothy 6:12].

Being of the world may seem so attractive and the thing to do but it really is not and I can tell you that now. Everything is temporary and I know that I can sleep in peace at night because I know that Jesus is Lord and I serve a living God that is worth it. I have had people around me mocking my beliefs and I tell them straight that this is what I believe in and that they need to watch what they say around me. I am unashamed of who I am in Christ and demand that my saviour should be respected. I knew that there will always be people to put Jesus down and there is nothing that anyone can do about that but I feel it is important to boldly say your piece. I do not go around mocking people’s ignorance based on the way they live their lives, I only speak the truth that comes from the Most High.

No, I am not at a perfect stage where I never lack on spending time with God. I would say that I am very hard on myself. I discipline my flesh to stay in His word daily. Every since I started my new job I have been extra tired. Sometimes I read my bible and pray, by halfway I fall asleep till the early hours of the morning. I used to get upset and mad at myself but now I give all my cares to God. God knows my heart, He knew my intentions and He knows my situation. That is why it is important to communicate with God throughout the day and continue to pray.

There really is no excuse. You are either a Christian or you are not. Some lift God’s name up when it suits them but as soon as something goes wrong their faith slips away. Something I want to ask is, why are you a Christian? Is it because of what you can gain or because you know that Jesus is worthy of all praise? He went through an immense amount of torture for us on the cross. Surely, that is enough to show you that every disappointment is a blessing. So, whatever situation you are going through in life remember that you serve a mighty God who is bigger than all your problems. He knows your purpose and why you are on this earth. Live with that kind of mentality. I know that in my life there are more good and bad things to come.

One of the things that I have memorised is this: No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it [1 Corinthians 10:13].

I often feel like everyday is a fight to stay close to Jesus. Sometimes I feel distant from Him and sometimes I feel close. But I would rather fight than sit back and let the devil overtake me and my life. I have seen that the peace I get from serving Him is sufficient. Stay focused on Jesus, stay blessed and be desperate for Him. He is the only source of truth in this life.

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